Last night had a going away ceremony with the Daugherty family, the owner's of the company I am leaving state with in hopes of vastly expanding our client base. I was one of only two people under the age of 60 attending the party, but actually had a really great time anyhow.
Another Valentine's Day spent alone. It is hard to keep any sort of romantic relationship working with pending cross country relocations in the works. This is ultimately my best shot in quite a while to make a substantial bit of money and climb ahead a class or two.
Leaving with nothing more than the clothes on my back and my dog, I look forward to traveling the long highway with Bob and Paul D. On arrival in Oregon , I look forward to seven day work weeks and working for another employer on the side to help make the new project advance. The more money I can put into the company, the greater the eventual returns will be. Every day we will be hustling.
I will miss my family and Ohio friends, but I will be back in the Buckeye State some day in the future, and I will return a better, more experienced and knowledgeable man.
If you read this and want to stay in touch, feel free to email me at adam.honnold@hotmail.com.
May God's blessing rain down in your life.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
National Champions
Every time Ohio State has won a national title in my lifetime I have been with my friend Paul. The two times Ohio State was on the grand stage and fell I was with my ex wife. So it should stand to reason that I should never watch football ever again with my ex wife....and I should obviously be watching more football with Paul.
I have made mistakes in my life. Some would say I have made enough mistakes for several lifetimes. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to remember to stay on task, and don't be afraid to make mistakes, because you will probably make more in the future whether you like it or not.
I don't know why some people just want to dwell on the past. Sure, the past creates the present and things can't always be undone, but when you hold on to grudges and anger, you are holding on to something that is toxic and should be expelled.
I am glad that it is a new year, and we all get a chance to move our lives in a positive direction. I am glad to say I am not the same person I was this time last year, and am glad to know that I won't be the same person I am now this time next year.
Every moment is an opportunity to bring love and positivity into the world. Now is the time to embrace this fact.
I have made mistakes in my life. Some would say I have made enough mistakes for several lifetimes. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to remember to stay on task, and don't be afraid to make mistakes, because you will probably make more in the future whether you like it or not.
I don't know why some people just want to dwell on the past. Sure, the past creates the present and things can't always be undone, but when you hold on to grudges and anger, you are holding on to something that is toxic and should be expelled.
I am glad that it is a new year, and we all get a chance to move our lives in a positive direction. I am glad to say I am not the same person I was this time last year, and am glad to know that I won't be the same person I am now this time next year.
Every moment is an opportunity to bring love and positivity into the world. Now is the time to embrace this fact.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
12/13/14
Every now and then writers go through the worst droughts of creativity, something we in the industry refer to as "writer's bloc." Writer's bloc is quite possibly the worst possible time for a writer and every day that material isn't being created is money lost.
And it happens to all writers, so it is nothing to be ashamed of...no man is perfect.
But the point of all of this writer's bloc talk is the fact that over the last year I have had a bad case of it.
There also comes a time when spurts of explosive creativity make it so one cannot "buy" enough time at the keyboard.
I will be taking a sabbatical from social media (no unnecessary texting or chatting) until the end of the new year. I will be writing and completing a novel in the next two weeks and will likely not see the light of day or many of my friends or family for quite some time and you can thank me when you get the chance, because you know you like it (it being when I make myself scarce.)
And it happens to all writers, so it is nothing to be ashamed of...no man is perfect.
But the point of all of this writer's bloc talk is the fact that over the last year I have had a bad case of it.
There also comes a time when spurts of explosive creativity make it so one cannot "buy" enough time at the keyboard.
I will be taking a sabbatical from social media (no unnecessary texting or chatting) until the end of the new year. I will be writing and completing a novel in the next two weeks and will likely not see the light of day or many of my friends or family for quite some time and you can thank me when you get the chance, because you know you like it (it being when I make myself scarce.)
Thursday, October 9, 2014
It does get better.
How could I have forgotten one of my favorite quote's from one of my favorite characters of all time Tyler Durden. "Only once we have lost everything, are we free to do anything."
I am feeling very streamlined right now. And the older I get, the better life gets, in lieu of all the BS and drama outside. And you lucky blog readers are getting a two-fer.
I am finding myself more efficient. I have time to do things that I want to do. And I don't need anyone but myself because frankly, I like myself quite a bit when I give myself the chance.
Things seem to come together out of nowhere. And people I think are inherently good. Sure there are a lot of d-bags out there. But for every ass hat there is an equally decent human out there.
Since it is Rocktober, you get some more tunes. A little Down In It was playing in my head earlier, because I was feeling up above it. That being the doldrums I had been experiencing the last few weeks..
And then some Killers, because "she said she loved me. But she had some where to go..she couldn't scream while I held her close.. I swore I'd never let her go. " I don't even have a friend by the name of Jenny, but this is a rad song all the same.
Lastly a little St. Lucia, Elevate, because frankly, that is what I am doing right now.
I don't even know why I have been so down lately. I have so much to be thankful for and so many things going for me. Now back to the book writing and then some sleep. Because I have to get up early for my run so I can get to my job interview at 10.
I am feeling very streamlined right now. And the older I get, the better life gets, in lieu of all the BS and drama outside. And you lucky blog readers are getting a two-fer.
I am finding myself more efficient. I have time to do things that I want to do. And I don't need anyone but myself because frankly, I like myself quite a bit when I give myself the chance.
Things seem to come together out of nowhere. And people I think are inherently good. Sure there are a lot of d-bags out there. But for every ass hat there is an equally decent human out there.
Since it is Rocktober, you get some more tunes. A little Down In It was playing in my head earlier, because I was feeling up above it. That being the doldrums I had been experiencing the last few weeks..
And then some Killers, because "she said she loved me. But she had some where to go..she couldn't scream while I held her close.. I swore I'd never let her go. " I don't even have a friend by the name of Jenny, but this is a rad song all the same.
Lastly a little St. Lucia, Elevate, because frankly, that is what I am doing right now.
I don't even know why I have been so down lately. I have so much to be thankful for and so many things going for me. Now back to the book writing and then some sleep. Because I have to get up early for my run so I can get to my job interview at 10.
New outlook
About halfway through the day yesterday, after I had found many different available local jobs and interviewed with an HR rep from a place where I would REALLY enjoy working, it finally clicked.
I am going to be ok...
At which point I went for a run. My second 5 mile day in as many days. Felt really exhausted but in a good way. Mostly felt incredible which was a welcome change in affect from the last couple of weeks. And I spent last night with my good friend Jocelyn, who I have been hanging out with more and more, and we talked and talked.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty optimistic as well. I think I am finally turning the corner. Granted, I still don't have a job. I am not going to get unemployment. I don't really have any desire to date anyone new...and in light of all of this, I am....well....feeling better than okay.
I will get a job eventually. And I will find more time to write which is what I really would like to do.
And when I least expect it, when I am not even thinking about it...someone will pop into my life who wants to travel along this long and winding path with me, a co pilot for this journey.
Addiction grows weaker and weaker the longer you are from the vice. Feelings grow dimmer and dimmer the farther one is from past love. After enough time, the door shuts, and you have nothing but your future left.
I will leave you with the song that is playing in my head today. From a real person, a real artist, in this world of faux people. I am searching myself. I believe myself to be on the right track. :)
I am going to be ok...
At which point I went for a run. My second 5 mile day in as many days. Felt really exhausted but in a good way. Mostly felt incredible which was a welcome change in affect from the last couple of weeks. And I spent last night with my good friend Jocelyn, who I have been hanging out with more and more, and we talked and talked.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty optimistic as well. I think I am finally turning the corner. Granted, I still don't have a job. I am not going to get unemployment. I don't really have any desire to date anyone new...and in light of all of this, I am....well....feeling better than okay.
I will get a job eventually. And I will find more time to write which is what I really would like to do.
And when I least expect it, when I am not even thinking about it...someone will pop into my life who wants to travel along this long and winding path with me, a co pilot for this journey.
Addiction grows weaker and weaker the longer you are from the vice. Feelings grow dimmer and dimmer the farther one is from past love. After enough time, the door shuts, and you have nothing but your future left.
I will leave you with the song that is playing in my head today. From a real person, a real artist, in this world of faux people. I am searching myself. I believe myself to be on the right track. :)
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Why?
The great existential question...why?
A couple of "whys."
Why did I go to Cumberland College as opposed to the Naval Academy...only to join the Navy two years after graduation as enlisted when I could have been an officer.
Why, when I got to Cumberland, did I gravitate toward a crowd that liked to "party"?
Why did I think my life would be better if I tried drugs even once? I mean, I want to go back and kick my 18 year old self....and ask him, exactly, how many success stories do you hear about people who are addicted to drugs?
Why did I think I could marry someone who I wasn't in love with? Although my intentions were good, and I did love her (not in love, there is a difference), and I do believe my primary goal of improving her life situation (although at a great cost to my emotional and fiscal stability) was accomplished, why did I make such a life altering decision without considering my best long term interest?
Why didn't I go straight to graduate school after college?
Why do I still pine over my last girlfriend? Am I masochistic? What good does it do to look at her profile when there is zero chance of things going back to the way they were? Why does she have to feel about another the way I feel about her? And why can't I feel that way about someone who does feel those feelings for me. (I realize that was a horrible sentence.)
Why does life have to be so full of challenges? And why do I feel like I am ill equipped to deal with those challenges, when in fact the opposite is probably the fact.
I don't like to spend a lot of time mulling over the past. Which is why I am a little irked at myself for spending so much time lately wondering what I could have done differently.
Of course there are things I could have done differently, in a lot of different circumstances, pertaining to relationships, education, published body of work, etc. But would things have turned out any better?
Which is why it is usually a good idea not to think about the past too much, and not spend hour after tedious hour mulling over what could have been.
I do believe in God, and I do receive strength from this faith. You might think I am wrong or I am stupid, but the fact will never change. God is the reason my life is like this, and the world even exists...That isn't to say God made me make bad decisions, but God is the great computer, and keeps tabs on all Karmic debts. I love God, and I don't blame him for anything except allowing me to exist.
The only reasonable conclusion for all of these tribulations...its all part of the test. The test of character, the test of mettle. After all, we could not have diamonds if it weren't for massive amounts of time and pressure. These struggles are the impetus for growth. And so I ask myself, am I growing? I don't know if that is up to me to determine. It is you, and God, the external world, that must judge this growth.
And as a writer, life experiences are the only thing that can lead to realistic and pertinent literature.
On a side note, I am getting very good at sending out job applications. Why? Because I have filled out over 50 in the last week. I should be getting a job any day now. Once I have that stable flow of cash back in my life, I will feel a lot better. Money can buy happiness after all, so it seems.
Lastly, this was very useful to me today.
Time to go into the job fair. Wish me luck! ")
A couple of "whys."
Why did I go to Cumberland College as opposed to the Naval Academy...only to join the Navy two years after graduation as enlisted when I could have been an officer.
Why, when I got to Cumberland, did I gravitate toward a crowd that liked to "party"?
Why did I think my life would be better if I tried drugs even once? I mean, I want to go back and kick my 18 year old self....and ask him, exactly, how many success stories do you hear about people who are addicted to drugs?
Why did I think I could marry someone who I wasn't in love with? Although my intentions were good, and I did love her (not in love, there is a difference), and I do believe my primary goal of improving her life situation (although at a great cost to my emotional and fiscal stability) was accomplished, why did I make such a life altering decision without considering my best long term interest?
Why didn't I go straight to graduate school after college?
Why do I still pine over my last girlfriend? Am I masochistic? What good does it do to look at her profile when there is zero chance of things going back to the way they were? Why does she have to feel about another the way I feel about her? And why can't I feel that way about someone who does feel those feelings for me. (I realize that was a horrible sentence.)
Why does life have to be so full of challenges? And why do I feel like I am ill equipped to deal with those challenges, when in fact the opposite is probably the fact.
I don't like to spend a lot of time mulling over the past. Which is why I am a little irked at myself for spending so much time lately wondering what I could have done differently.
Of course there are things I could have done differently, in a lot of different circumstances, pertaining to relationships, education, published body of work, etc. But would things have turned out any better?
Which is why it is usually a good idea not to think about the past too much, and not spend hour after tedious hour mulling over what could have been.
I do believe in God, and I do receive strength from this faith. You might think I am wrong or I am stupid, but the fact will never change. God is the reason my life is like this, and the world even exists...That isn't to say God made me make bad decisions, but God is the great computer, and keeps tabs on all Karmic debts. I love God, and I don't blame him for anything except allowing me to exist.
The only reasonable conclusion for all of these tribulations...its all part of the test. The test of character, the test of mettle. After all, we could not have diamonds if it weren't for massive amounts of time and pressure. These struggles are the impetus for growth. And so I ask myself, am I growing? I don't know if that is up to me to determine. It is you, and God, the external world, that must judge this growth.
And as a writer, life experiences are the only thing that can lead to realistic and pertinent literature.
On a side note, I am getting very good at sending out job applications. Why? Because I have filled out over 50 in the last week. I should be getting a job any day now. Once I have that stable flow of cash back in my life, I will feel a lot better. Money can buy happiness after all, so it seems.
Lastly, this was very useful to me today.
Replace love with God because God is love then we get:
[God] is patient and kind; [God] does not envy or boast; [He] is not arrogant or rude. [He] does not insist on [His] own way; [He] is not irritable or resentful; [He] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. [God] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [God] never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
[God] is patient and kind; [God] does not envy or boast; [He] is not arrogant or rude. [He] does not insist on [His] own way; [He] is not irritable or resentful; [He] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. [God] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [God] never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Time to go into the job fair. Wish me luck! ")
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Another day in the life of a recovering addict.
I have an addictive personality, I think most of us can agree on this fact. Many of you have witnessed the destructive aspects of my addictions, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret the first time I ever used drugs.
But I am clean today, fortunately.
Unfortunately, I will always be recovering. One is never fully recovered. There will always be scars, always relationships that cannot be mended. There will always be a certain amount of judgement from others. And there is always that lingering thought, some days it is greater than others in its magnitude, that you are never very far away from a dealer, and you are minutes away from a brief respite from the pains of every day living.
Everyone has problems, and I don't think mine are any greater than anyone else. Perhaps I do not cope with my problems as well, but this is no one's fault by my own.
I am clean today, and I will be clean tomorrow. It is a daily choice.
I want to live. I want to have relationships. I want a special relationship with some lady who cares about me as much as I do her. I want to work, and to write, and to help others. I want to experience pain in its fullness, so that I might be able to love in the fullest sense.
No, it is not easy. But there is no going back. There can be no going back.
I am so grateful for my family and friends. They deserve my honesty and sobriety in return for all the love and compassion they have given me.
Yesterday was tough, but I didn't purchase any cold medicine, so that is something I can build on. I have a lot of writing to do, so there isn't any time to be on anything other than my A game.
God's blessing to everyone on this lovely Sunday.
But I am clean today, fortunately.
Unfortunately, I will always be recovering. One is never fully recovered. There will always be scars, always relationships that cannot be mended. There will always be a certain amount of judgement from others. And there is always that lingering thought, some days it is greater than others in its magnitude, that you are never very far away from a dealer, and you are minutes away from a brief respite from the pains of every day living.
Everyone has problems, and I don't think mine are any greater than anyone else. Perhaps I do not cope with my problems as well, but this is no one's fault by my own.
I am clean today, and I will be clean tomorrow. It is a daily choice.
I want to live. I want to have relationships. I want a special relationship with some lady who cares about me as much as I do her. I want to work, and to write, and to help others. I want to experience pain in its fullness, so that I might be able to love in the fullest sense.
No, it is not easy. But there is no going back. There can be no going back.
I am so grateful for my family and friends. They deserve my honesty and sobriety in return for all the love and compassion they have given me.
Yesterday was tough, but I didn't purchase any cold medicine, so that is something I can build on. I have a lot of writing to do, so there isn't any time to be on anything other than my A game.
God's blessing to everyone on this lovely Sunday.
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